Tag: personal

I’m currently struggling with concentration issues relating to my depression and anxiety, and there are things I want to do (like work on my various fanfics) but can’t because I can’t get my brain to focus on any one thing.

I have an appointment with my doctor next week to discuss my anxiety/depression meds, so I’m not ignoring the issue; I know there’s something wrong with me and it’s more than just hormonal.

To top it all off, two of our three cats are having medical issues and we are just flat broke. Both these cats are 14+ years old. I want to take them to the vet, but I’m terrified that the end result will be either that it’s too expensive to do anything for them, or there’s nothing that can be done. (I know the flip-side is that the problem could be an easy fix, but my brain never heads in that direction.)

I’m drawing on all my courage to call the nearby vet about one of the cats. They open in 7 minutes. We’ve never dealt with them before but they’re within walking distance of my apartment, which is a key factor given that I don’t drive and can’t afford the bus or a cab. (I think I can use my partner’s credit card to pay for the appointment, or discuss financing options.)

I have no idea where this rambling post is going. I have zero focus and everything just feels really hard right now.

salaciouscrumpet:

Unrelated to anything Star Wars-y …

My husband’s boss wants to meet with the employees over coffee and cake today to discuss “good news about their future,” which in my past experience has never led to anything good whatsoever. (I was once laid off after a similar meeting.) So now I’m in full-on panic mode, because I’m currently unemployed (and job-searching) and we cannot afford for BOTH of us to be unemployed. (We can’t afford for ME to be unemployed, much less both of us.)

It COULD actually be good news. I could just be panicking over nothing. (Please let me be panicking over nothing.)

Update: The good news is entirely just “good news” for the boss, and completely neutral for the employees (which is honestly the best I could hope for: nothing is changing, my husband isn’t being laid off, everything is FINE). But hey, free coffee and cake, and my husband still has a job!

Thank you all so, so much for the support you gave me. I’m honestly a little teary at how amazing you all are. You don’t even know me, you just read my weird fanfics and random posts, and I really appreciate you all so very much.

Unrelated to anything Star Wars-y …

My husband’s boss wants to meet with the employees over coffee and cake today to discuss “good news about their future,” which in my past experience has never led to anything good whatsoever. (I was once laid off after a similar meeting.) So now I’m in full-on panic mode, because I’m currently unemployed (and job-searching) and we cannot afford for BOTH of us to be unemployed. (We can’t afford for ME to be unemployed, much less both of us.)

It COULD actually be good news. I could just be panicking over nothing. (Please let me be panicking over nothing.)

I’m not sure how obvious it is in my writing (honestly, I’m hoping it’s not), but I’m not much of a sci-fi writer. I like science fiction – I grew up on Star Wars and Star Trek and I do happen to think you can be fans of both – but when I write it’s typically in a more fantasy-based setting. I tend to write more low-magic, grounded in reality fantasy (generally speaking), although at some point I’d like to start working on urban fantasy because that tends to be more appropriate to my sense of humour.

I love writing in the SWTOR universe, but I really struggle with the sci-fi aspects of it – the logistics of space travel, how slicing works, how implants work, all that stuff (you know, the stuff my kriffing main character is supposed to be GOOD AT). I spend a lot of time researching stuff beforehand and have about 20 different tabs open while I’m writing, but I still worry that people will read my fanfics and think “Well, this woman has no clue how any of this shit works.”

I’m not interested in writing drastically AU-type stories (as a general rule I don’t enjoy them and tend not to read fics tagged as such), so as much as I love Theron Shan and Vector Hyllus and Malavai Quinn et al I’m not going to be flinging them into a fantasy-type setting just because that’s the world I’m more comfortable writing about. I’m interested in the characters, which is why I write fics based off of SWTOR, but I do worry that my ignorance about sci-fi shines through in my works.

I have a migraine (again!) and one of my neighbours is currently gunning his engine in the parking lot next to my building and I’m pretty sure if I kill him it’ll be considered justifiable homicide at this point.

Another neighbour is mowing his lawn. In February. Traditionally here in my stretch of Canada we have snowbanks up to my hips and it’s about -25C (-13F, according to Google), but today it’s a balmy 7C (44.6F) and all the snow melted days ago because it’s been well above freezing for about a week.