So i was tagged by so many of you for this xD Thanks! So here is what I’d like to believe was my first fictional crush, Miles Quaritch from Avatar
I tag anyone of my followers who would like to tell us about their own first fictional crush :3
I was about 4 years old or so when the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie came out, but I’m not entirely sure when the first time I saw it was. But I do know for certain that James Norrington was my first crush on a fictional character.
When have I NOT crushed on fictional characters. So many came to mind, but if I have my timeline right, my first was Princess Leia. My parents raised me on OT Star Wars, and I always wanted to marry her.
When I was like five, years before Qui-Gon and young Obi-Wan would be a thing for me to crush on I was ALL about Lord Bowler from Brisco County Jr. The lack of gifs from that show makes me wish I knew how to make them myself, but this one probably shows where a bit of my sense of humor comes from. Note: he is the one on the right played by Julius Carry, on the left is Brisco played by Bruce Campbell who most assuredly was not my crush.
But, like, from the ‘90s cartoon and movie. My peers all had crushes on the New Kids on the Block, and there was me, wishing Raphael was a real person.
My birthday is coming up (August 12th), and I am … really having a hard time with this. It’s a milestone birthday and while my last major milestone didn’t seem like such a big deal, this time around it … it really does. I know part of it is that for my 30th it wasn’t a big deal because I actually got married a few days before (so all my pre-birthday anxiety went into worrying about the wedding instead) and because at the time the majority of my friends were older than me, so they’d already gone and had their thirtieth birthdays. This time around we’re celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary and the vast majority of my friends, both in real life and online, are younger than me. Much, much younger. And so realizing that I’m turning 40 just makes me feel so very, very old. (Despite knowing perfectly well that it’s not old, at all.)
I want people to make a big deal over my birthday, but at the same time I know I’ll be horribly embarrassed by the fuss and by being the centre of attention. I don’t want people to make a big deal over the age milestone, but that’s what my friends and family are focusing on, because milestone birthdays are fun (I guess?). I don’t want to be responsible for planning anything for myself because it’s my birthday and planning for it feels like work and I shouldn’t have to do the work for my own party. I don’t want anyone else to plan things for me because in my past experiences with such things that results in a loss of agency for me (oh, you had plans for that day? well, too bad, we’re having your bridal shower then, you’ll have to cancel those other plans and be grateful that we’re having this big party for you). I recognize that those are two mutually exclusive wants and that I can’t have both things, and so I feel guilty for being selfish and complicated. It makes me feel like I am too much bother, emotionally and logistically, for people to deal with.
I want to be able to talk about this to the people in my real life, but I’m struggling to find a way to express myself that doesn’t sound both selfish and childish. I kind of want my birthday to just come and go without fanfare, except that I know if it does I’ll be horribly let down. (I know that that won’t happen; my partner already has plans that take most of my concerns into consideration. I’m fine with it just being the two of us.)
I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just needed to vent.
alright look since people don’t seem to understand why maladaptive daydreaming is a big deal here’s a grand list of someof the reasons why.
first off: yes, you little babies, maladaptive daydreaming is often characterized by:
zoning out
“snapping back” to reality
which is often followed by mild alarm and confusion like “what where am i what am i doing whats going on”
seeking emotional satisfaction in daydreams that you didn’t get from real life
it’s often developed due to childhood isolation, not having a lot of friends, having too much time to yourself as a youngling
yep also those bless-ed long car rides
being deeply comforted by music and/or alone time because it means yay daydreaming time
intricate stories that exist inside vivid imaginary worlds (called paracosms) with their own highly developed “characters” (which are called paras, and i hope you’re taking notes)
constantly looking for an “escape” so you can daydream
repetitive motions to stimulate daydreams such as swinging on a swingset, bouncing up and down, pacing, spinning, etc.
an idealized version of yourself through whose eyes you live out these daydream stories (called parames, like para-me…)
BUT!!!! but but but but but but (and this is the stuff y’all seem to constantly be forgetting/overlooking/not taking seriously) maladaptive daydreaming is also characterized by:
deep and dependent emotional attachments to paras such as intimate friends, lovers, family, and pets that don’t exist
deep guilt due to favoring paras over “real life” (called thisverse) people
a phobia that you will never be able to care about people in thisverse and will therefore be a terrible lover/spouse/parent, etc.
trancelike states where you lose time anywhere between a few minutes to several hours straight without even realizing it until you’ve returned to reality
maladaptive daydreaming steals so. much. time.
withdrawal-like effects if you don’t daydream for a long time (even a day), such as shaking, nausea, agitation, aggression, breakdowns, etc.
you don’t control your daydreams, they do whatever they want to, they are invasive, intrusive, and often unwanted
intense absorption, so when the daydream is exciting you will get an adrenaline rush and your blood gets hot and starts to rush and you sweat and breathe weird and see red and your heart rate goes up. when the daydream is depressing you will cry with real tears and your limbs actually feel heavy
it steals an incredible amount of energy
daydreams are often violent, sexual, and/or disturbing
difficulty focusing, high anxiety
paranoia caused by a feeling that you’re under observation
compulsive behavior (like, “i have to pace right now” even when your feet feel like they’re broken… I’ve often been afraid to look down because i thought i might see blood but i couldn’t stop walking even when it hurt so much that i started crying)
sleeplessness, insomnia, nightmares
suicidal thoughts and tendencies (“maybe if i die, i’ll be with my paras”, “i can’t take it anymore”)
feeling uncomfortable in your body/with your identity (i often have trouble recalling my real name because i’m so used to be my parame’s name, i avoid mirrors because i expect to see my parame’s face and it always catches me off guard)
weight loss or weight gain
appetite loss or appetite gain
dissociation and “out of body” experiences
avoidance and the death of your social life
not being able to feel anything either neg or pos about “real life” things because you’re only concerned with your paracosms
speaking the dialogue out loud or whispering, acting out daydreams
i have seriously been asked if i’m possessed when i got caught daydreaming
it is so painful and so detrimental and it makes our lives difficult, it is not “cute”, it is not “lol relatable”, it is not “creative”, and it is not “fake”
“Imagine having a child that refuses to hug you or even look you in the eyes”
Imagine being shamed, as a child, for not showing affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being forced, as a child, to show affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being told, as a child, that your ways of expressing affection weren’t good enough. Imagine being taught, as a child, to associate physical affection with pain and coercion.
As a preschool special ed para, this is very important to me. All my kids have their own ways of showing affection that are just as meaningful to them as a hug or eye contact is to you or me.
One gently squeezes my hand between both of his palms as he says “squish.” I reciprocate. When he looks like he’s feeling sad or lost, I ask if I can squish him, and he will show me where I can squish him. Sometimes it’s almost like a hug, but most of the time, it’s just a hand or an arm I press between my palms. Then he squishes my hand in return, says “squish,” and moves on. He will come ask for squishes now, when he recognizes that he needs them.
Another boy smiles and sticks his chin out at me, and if he’s really excited, he’ll lean his whole body toward me. The first time he finally won a game at circle time, he got so excited he even ran over and bumped chins with me. He now does it when he sees me outside of school too. I stick out my chin to acknowledge him, and he grins and runs over and I lean down for a chin bump.
Yet another child swings my hand really fast. At a time when another child would be seeking a hug, she stands beside me and holds my hand, and swings it back and forth, with a smile if I’m lucky. The look on her face when I initiate the hand swinging is priceless.
Another one bumps his hip against mine when he walks by in the hallway or on the playground, or when he gets up after I’m done working with him. No eye contact, no words, but he goes out of his way to “crash” into me, and I tell him that it’s good to see him. He now loves to crash into me when I’m least expecting it. He doesn’t want anything, really. Just a bump to say “Hi, I appreciate you’re here.” And when he’s upset and we have to take a break, I’ll bump him, ask if he needs to take a walk, and we just go wander for a bit and discuss whatever’s wrong, and he’s practically glued to my side. Then one more bump before we go back into the room to face the problem.
Moral of the story is, alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as traditional affection. Reciprocating alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as returning a hug. That is how you build connections with these children.
This is so goddamn important.
I verbally express affection. A LOT.
My husband… doesn’t. I don’t know why. For the longest time part of me wondered if it meant he loved me less.
At some point I told him about a thing I had done as a kid. Holding hands, three squeezes means ‘I Love You’.
Suddenly he’s telling me I Love You all the time.
Holding my hand, obviously, but also randomly.
taptaptap
on my hand, my shoulder, my butt, my knee, whatever body part is closest to him, with whatever part of him is closest to me
All the time.
More often than I ever verbally said it.
It’s an ingrained signal now, I can tap three times on whatever part of him, and get three taps back in his sleep. Apparently I do the same.
do you ever read a piece of fanfic that is just so fucking spectacular that makes you actually feel things?
boy, i swear to god, i’m so goddamn grateful for every single one of you writers, yall literally giving us entertainment for free almost every goddamn week; and this is not only for those gracious magnificent bastards that are practically gods because they’ve perfected (and keep developing) their craft, this is also to that little (and equally amazing) writer that is just starting and might not be the best at it, you my friend keep writing because practice makes perfect, don’t stop writing if that’s what makes you happy. i just want all of yall to know that i appreciate you so goddamn much and yall the fucking best
to every fanfic writer out there: i love you, u crazy motherfucker
It happened and so I’m doing a big fat giveaway like I said I would.
Rules:
– be a follower – only reblogs count – 5 reblogs per person to avoid the situation where someone once reblogged the giveaway for exactly 158 times. I will absolutely be checking. – no animals, furry or mecha will be drawn. I will however draw mild nsfw – winners are expected to reply within 48h of receiving my DM. If no reply is received, a new winner will be drawn – PLEASE have ample references ready! Screenshots, art, detailed written descriptions, and be ready to send them to me in an organised e-mail once you’re contacted! Makes it easier for both of us.
– ALL WINNERS WILL ALSO RECEIVE A SET OF AT LEAST FOUR PIN BUTTONS WITH SOME BIOWARE CHARACTERS if they ask for it. You must be comfortable with giving me your shipping address if you choose the set of pins as well. The pin button designs are, natch, drawn by me.
Selecting the winners:
– via randomizer – three prizes available: a Dragon Age style tarot card of your OC – a set of three designed outfits for your OC according to your wishes and info – a half-body sketch of your OC and their romantic partner
1st place: gets to choose from the three prizes 2nd place: gets to choose from the remaining two 3rd place: gets what remains
And of course the option to get some pin buttons drawn by me.
Giveaway ends on 1st of September, 23:59PM Eastern European time!
Good luck.
This post will be tagged as #giveawayspam for your blacklisting convenience.
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